My Little Tater Tot, Little One, Butterbean, Baby

Dear Baby,

Right now I am 28 weeks along with you and you are kicking the crap out of me every day. I think you must be growing and stretching quite a lot, because my upper right ribcage is very sore and bruised, so your little toes dig in there quite a bit. While it's uncomfortable, it makes me happy because it means you are growing strong and big. I like it when you remind me that you are healthy and getting ready to come into this world.

Your mama and daddy were quite shocked to learn that you were on your way! We bought our house on Halloween of last year (the house you will grow up in.) That whole month was a month of chaos, tears, anxiety, excitement, frustration....you name it. Someday you'll understand when you buy your own house. I had been feeling very exhausted, light headed and over emotional that whole month, but I thought it was just the huge amount of stress we were under. See, we had to be out of our rental house by Oct. 30 and we weren't sure our house would close by then. So we were looking at moving into a motel.

Literally the day after we moved in, I figured maybe I should take a pregnancy test since I wasn't feeling right. That was a long four minutes. I remember your daddy was eating a Jimmy Johns sub at the table, waiting for me to come out. When I came out of the bathroom he stared at me and said "Well?" When I showed him the test that told us you were on your way, he broke into a huge grin from ear to ear. He was so happy! And overwhelmed, terrified and dumbfounded. As was I. We had just moved into our house and now we were having a baby??? It was quite a surprise. A wonderful, unexpected surprise!

I remember crying tears of relief because I had secretly been wondering for quite some time if I was unable to have children. Many of our friends seemed to decide to get pregnant and literally days later would announce they were expecting. While we were always happy for them, I could see your daddy's face fall a little each time. I think he was worried he would never become a dad. He always assured me that everything would be okay, that if we could never have kids, we would have our dogs (fur babies.) But I knew he wanted a little child of his own and I felt horrible that I hadn't yet given it to him. Not that it was my fault, but as you get to know me as you grow up, you'll know I carry the burden of things even when they're not my fault. It didn't help that what seemed like every three days someone was asking us, "When are you going to have a baby? Why haven't you had one yet? Can you have kids? You've been married for three years almost, why don't you have a baby? Do you hate kids?" We always wanted one. It just wasn't in God's timing yet. But now is the time, because you are on your way! A lesson I learned is that, everything happens when it's supposed to, not always when you want it to.

The first trimester, you were such a kind baby to your mama. I had no morning sickness at all!! The only thing that was slightly weird was that the smell of cooking meat made me ill. This was devastating to your daddy, because he is definitely a carnivore and hunts every single hunting season. He provides well for our family. We rarely have to buy meat at the grocery store. As I'm writing this for you, he's turkey hunting.

I didn't really have many cravings, but the main one was apples. I could not eat enough apples or drink enough apple cider. Then I went through a sauceless spaghetti phase, a popcorn phase, and a BLT phase. The one that I can't have that is killing me baby, but you're so very worth it, is lunchmeat. I am absolutely addicted to subs, especially Jimmy John's #9, and I haven't had one since November. I told your daddy to bring one with him to the delivery room for when you have arrived. Even giving up smoking wasn't as hard as giving up lunchmeat. But I would give everything I have to make sure you are healthy and happy.

We haven't painted your room yet because we aren't sure if you're a boy or girl. We are fairly sure you're a little girl, and mama feels that you are, but the ultrasounds have been a wee bit inconclusive. At the 20 week ultrasound, you had your little legs very tightly crossed and were not about to let anyone have a peep. At the 24 week ultrasound, your legs were pressed tightly together. The ultrasound tech was fairly certain she saw girl anatomy up under there, but we aren't 100% positive yet. I have another ultrasound at 30 weeks, so maybe you'll be more cooperative then? You are a stubborn little thing, just like your mama. Oh, I love you so much already.

Your daddy has been very protective of you and me during this whole pregnancy. He has even started voluntarily cleaning the house since I had to cut way down on such activities. Let's hope he keeps that up after you're here too ;) Your daddy felt you kick the other night for the first time. You walloped him four times. He was overjoyed! He has so many plans for you! He has already picked out your first wagon, your first BB gun and your name.

Well baby, I think we should get some chores done around the house today. I will write more things down for you soon. You have a mama and daddy who can't wait to meet you, and many friends and family members waiting for you too. But please don't hurry. Take your time and grow and stay cozy. Soon enough you'll be out in the big world. Right now you're safe with your mama. You also have two very lovable dogs waiting for your arrival too. Reba and Ramona curl up around my belly all the time and when they feel you kick, look up at me. They will be your best friends.

Love,
Mama