I don't know if anyone really reads these blogs, and if they don't, that's ok with me. It's a way for me to get my feelings out, whether anyone reads them or not. And it always seems to be late at night, when I should be sleeping, but of course, cannot.

My mind tonight is whirling at 100 mph and I so wish I could shut if off right now. I am more physically tired than I've been in a long time, but cannot sleep, like usual. Such is the life of the perpetual night owl.

Tonight what is on my mind is the hubby. He has been in Michigan working for almost 3 weeks and will be home for the first time tomorrow. He has had a very frustrating time over there, which I will not discuss here. Let's just say that his patience has been tried dearly, something that is not over-abundant with him as it is. Things are so bad for him right now that when I offered to pray for him, he agreed! He is not nearly as religious as I am.

As he is driving down the roads headed toward the WI Dells, I can't help but think about what I signed myself up for when I married him.  He's gone, completely, utterly GONE 6 months of the year (8 when you consider deer hunting). He has never once spent my birthday with me, which may seem trivial for some, but in my family, your birthday is like the shining star of the year and his whole birthday month is made to be so. That is a Lundgren/Matara tradition that he took right kindly to LOL!  But like I said, I knew what I was getting into, but I never knew it would be so hard.

Right now, my job as a 'Scott Construction' wife is to listen to every hardship and offer the advice I can (which in my line of work as a bartender surprisingly coordinates at times) with what Mike is dealing with!! I wish I could help with every scenario, but of course, there are times I cannot. It's also hard to hold everything in when Mike comes home, to just let him chill for a day or two. The words of a Miranda Lambert song come to mind: "He can't hide the worry on his face...and even though I got a million things to tell him, I know right now he just needs some space..."

Because of course anyone that knows me truly knows that sometimes I just want to stand up and scream and be the first thing on his mind! But those times in the summer are rare and few and far between. And it has me doubting things sometimes. Not gonna lie. But then I have to remember that I signed up for this, so dammit, I better know what I'm in for! But, I will say it 'outloud:' it is so hard to constantly be in 2nd place.'

This post is not meant to make the hubs feel bad! It is something he cannot control, but I hate it just the same. But I think he is lucky to have gotten one tough, independent girl, because I can handle almost any situation on my own (with the help of my awesome friends of course!!) Hell, in the last year we handled a tornado, a flood, a broken sewer, and all that jazz! Just kidding dear, but anyhoo, at least you know I'm capable! Oh and as a tribute to my  ladies:...............................................did you know July 8 is MY BIRTHDAY